Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Hobbyists

What separates a decently successful hobbyist (sometimes gets the girl he wants, strikes out as often as he hits, expends a lot of cell minutes trying to hook up)...

from the hobbyist who quietly and confidently enjoys the sensual delights of his absolute favorites?

After three years in this delicate dance, I've seen the good, the bad and absolutely unforgivable. In the process, I've learned a few things myself. So for the fellows who'd like to improve their average, I'm offering the following observations. May they help you score the big Kahuna, whoever she may be.

1. Highly Effective Hobbyists PLAN AHEAD. This is especially crucial when a lady's on tour. After I've advertised on my blog for 3-4 weeks, Eros for a week and announced on TER several times in advance of my arrival, I still get initial calls on the very last night of a tour. To my great amusement, these spontaneous souls are shocked that my time is already booked.

Would you wait for the night of the Prince concert to call TicketMaster? OK, then.

2. Highly Effective Hobbyists OFFER THEIR CREDENTIALS. If I don't know you, a one-line email stating, "Hi, I'm Joe, Are you available tonight?" is going straight into the trash. The reservation form on my website has been crafted to get just what I need from you-- no more, no less. And since many of us ladies also offer easy screening shortcuts through Date-Check, RS2K or Preferred 411, there's really no excuse for the old "I didn't realize you needed to know who I am" ploy.

Would you let a nameless, potentially nefarious stranger into your bedroom? OK, maybe if her tits were big enough. But we girls have tits of our own.

3. Highly Effective Hobbyists DO THEIR RESEARCH. Nothing charms a lady more than the fellow who asks her to reiterate every piece of information that's already on her website, her ad, her TER profile, or her blog.

Even the MILFs among us don't have the time or the inclination to spoon-feed you. After all, aren't you the boys who sent a man to the moon?

4. Highly Effective Hobbyists LEAVE THEIR EGO AT THE DOOR. We know you're a big man at work. Leagues of lowly-paid minions cower at your presence. But lording it over the lady you've selected for some very intimate companionship is simply bad form. Of the dozen or so clients whom I truly detested and will never see again, the main common denominator was arrogance.

Yes, we're here to please. But you know the saying.... if Momma ain't happy, then nobody's getting the goods.

5. Highly Effective Hobbyists LEAVE US WANTING MORE. You wouldn't linger at the party till the exhausted hosts stagger off to bed. So when you're enjoying the lady's company, be equally aware that when the party's over, it's over.

We want to feel regretful that you had to leave after only an hour... not remember that we had to drag your ass to the door after you camped out for an extra 30 minutes, sloooowly tying your shoes. That's what loafers are for.

6. Highly Effective Hobbyists LIKE WOMEN. As odd as it may sound, some of our clients resent us, look down on us, and simply don't have our best interests at heart. These are the fellows who quiz us on our private lives, ask our real names, disclose confidential details to other parties, or gossip about us to their other dates.

It wasn't attractive in high school, and you can't fit into those pants anymore, either.

7. Highly Effective Hobbyists KNOW IT'S JUST A HOBBY. Yes, we adore being your girlfriend for an hour or two... and when you're genuinely nice, we often have very fond feelings for your presence in our lives. So let's agree... we won't fall in love with you, call you at home, get our feelings hurt when you see another lady, or boil your rabbit.

Do the same by us, and we'll be good.


Anonymous said...


#6 had me laughing so hard! Tabu, I love your posts and blog. keep rocking!

woooo hoo!

Alexa Hampton Stone

perfesser said...

Right on!

But many of us are so full of ourselves (point 4) that we expect that point 7 doesn't REALLY pertain to us. You mean you DON'T truly love me with all your heart, the way I do you (except I'm not willing to give up any of my civie comforts for you)?

So many of us have to learn the hard way. LOL

prefesser said...

I truly love providers with intilect. The brain is a marvelous sex organ!