Friday, February 29, 2008

The Doctor is in! Please take off your pants...

Today, a gent asked the following:

Curious what the best way to catch a lady's attention is in sending emails... I always have been curious and would love to know how many emails you ladies receive in say a day. I don't want to be passed over or trashed!! What should the subject of the email be to catch your attention to read further and hopefully lead to your reply and then some?

Dr. Tabu replies:

Don't be cute. If you put in your subject line:

I'm your stud-muffin, Tabu!!

I'm going to think you're crackers or a 15-year-old boy.

However, if you put:

Possibility of appointment March 3 at 8pm?

I'll open YOURS first! (Then maybe I'll open mine!)


Successful providers' mailboxes are afloat every day with:

"Wishful thinking" emails (When will you be touring to Sitka, Alaska?)

"Maybe her IQ's dropped" emails (You don't know me but I'm in Room 178 at the Day's Inn; can you be here in a hour?)

"Please get me off" emails (Hey, baby, I've got a big hard one for you. Can you handle my 10-incher? Call me now!)

"I'm a cop or clueless or both" emails (Do you offer BBBJ, multiple shots and can I bring a buddy?)

and so on....

My advice-- be pleasant, business-like and think about the impression you're making.

After all-- your first letter is like a first interview. Make it count!

Friday, February 22, 2008

My contribution to National Security....

I told you I was a patriot!!

Have a great weekend-- I'll be busy hiding the weenie!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Puritanism at Playboy: Pitying the Girls Next Door

What happens when you shack up with the oldest playboy in America?

Apparently, not much.

For a year now I've been indulging in a guilty boob-tube pleasure... setting my TIVO for The Girls Next Door, the reality-based account of Hugh Hefner and his three platinum "girlfriends" Holly, Bridget and Kendra. They're delightfully oblivious to the actual real world, as they order room service, shop for designer g-strings and buckle up in the Playboy jet for jaunts to Monte Carlo.

On the surface, it's simply ducky. But as I've dipped my toe in the Playboy pool over the past few months, a sad little trend has emerged as an undercurrent in the girls' daily lives.


The youngest, 22-year-old Kendra, clearly feels her hormones kicking in; she's the breast-flashing, skirt-flipping tease on almost any occasion where there are attractive men present. In a recent episode, she railed at the girls' 9PM curfew. Bridget, the most demure of the group, would fit in at the local PTA. Hef's main squeeze, the ambitious Holly, does share the king's bed... but in flannel PJs and with a bowl of popcorn.

A blind man couldn't miss the irony. Hooked up with the man who practically invented the sexual revolution and the closest these bunnies get to satisfaction is their Rabbit. (See battery-operated boyfriend.)

What's a MILF to think? That LA's finest surgical enhancements, pricey sex-kitten duds and peroxide do not a sex life make.

So to the "girls" and Grandpa, I say, "It's your cage, welcome to it."

To my own decidedly less glamorous but genuine "let's go" sex-style, I say "Hallelujah!"

Because you know what they say. There's no business like "go" business!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

If only it had been Walgreens.....

Have you noticed that the more exclamation marks someone uses, the more they appear to be writing directly from the Loony Bin? This proposal, apparently from a very excited individual, came in my email yesterday.

I was wondering if you were available tonight? I love watching a woman smoke! It really turns me on! I am very serious about seeing you! You look SO hot in your eros-miami ad!! Are you still available tonight? Again, I am very, very, very serious about seeing you TONIGHT!!!

Do you smoke in real life? If so, what brand? If you don't mind, could you show up smoking Virginia Slims 120's when you come to see me? That is a major fantasy for me!

I want to have a really good time! I will be back in Miami about every 3-4 weeks and I would love to have someone like you that I could see while I am here!

I have tried to find someone, but no-one is willing to do what I's what I want to do! Could you meet me at the CVS on 88th Street in Kendall (I'll give you the address and directions if you are sure you want to see me)...dress very HOT and SEXY (really high heels and a very sexy dress)...and then follow me back to my hotel after we have gone shopping!

Here's what I can offer you!!!! I can pay you $450 cash...give you a $700 laptop...and take you on a shopping spree at CVS (you can buy mp3 player, tv, or whatever you want up to $300) and then back at my hotel you order champagne, beer and etc. from Room Service ($100).

Are you interested? If so, I will give you my phone number and we can hook up tonight!!!

Damn, it's tempting. A girl could score a lot of Crest on a gig like that.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Back in the saddle (again!)

Woo-hoo and Yippee-oh-cayay!

Bounced back through stormy skies last night to finally float peacefully down in Ft Lauderdale, and boy, am I ready to play. Nothing like a little enforced chastity to get your girl going.

Indulge me, will you?

You have my number (in more ways than one!)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Round 'em up, head 'em out!

It's the Tabu Two-Step... yep, I'm rounding up all my conservative duds and heading out to Small Town, Texas tomorrow....

So, please. If you see your little vixen in the airport or on the buffet line with two white-haired folks between now and Tuesday, smile a secret smile to yourself. But Mom--er, I mean MUM's the word.

I'll be leaving my naughty girl side in Florida for the duration.

I'll be thinking of you!