Puritanism at Playboy: Pitying the Girls Next Door

What happens when you shack up with the oldest playboy in America?

Apparently, not much.

For a year now I've been indulging in a guilty boob-tube pleasure... setting my TIVO for The Girls Next Door, the reality-based account of Hugh Hefner and his three platinum "girlfriends" Holly, Bridget and Kendra. They're delightfully oblivious to the actual real world, as they order room service, shop for designer g-strings and buckle up in the Playboy jet for jaunts to Monte Carlo.

On the surface, it's simply ducky. But as I've dipped my toe in the Playboy pool over the past few months, a sad little trend has emerged as an undercurrent in the girls' daily lives.

Chastity.

The youngest, 22-year-old Kendra, clearly feels her hormones kicking in; she's the breast-flashing, skirt-flipping tease on almost any occasion where there are attractive men present. In a recent episode, she railed at the girls' 9PM curfew. Bridget, the most demure of the group, would fit in at the local PTA. Hef's main squeeze, the ambitious Holly, does share the king's bed... but in flannel PJs and with a bowl of popcorn.

A blind man couldn't miss the irony. Hooked up with the man who practically invented the sexual revolution and the closest these bunnies get to satisfaction is their Rabbit. (See battery-operated boyfriend.)

What's a MILF to think? That LA's finest surgical enhancements, pricey sex-kitten duds and peroxide do not a sex life make.

So to the "girls" and Grandpa, I say, "It's your cage, welcome to it."

To my own decidedly less glamorous but genuine "let's go" sex-style, I say "Hallelujah!"

Because you know what they say. There's no business like "go" business!

If only it had been Walgreens.....

Have you noticed that the more exclamation marks someone uses, the more they appear to be writing directly from the Loony Bin? This proposal, apparently from a very excited individual, came in my email yesterday.

I was wondering if you were available tonight? I love watching a woman smoke! It really turns me on! I am very serious about seeing you! You look SO hot in your eros-miami ad!! Are you still available tonight? Again, I am very, very, very serious about seeing you TONIGHT!!!

Do you smoke in real life? If so, what brand? If you don't mind, could you show up smoking Virginia Slims 120's when you come to see me? That is a major fantasy for me!

I want to have a really good time! I will be back in Miami about every 3-4 weeks and I would love to have someone like you that I could see while I am here!

I have tried to find someone, but no-one is willing to do what I want...so...here's what I want to do! Could you meet me at the CVS on 88th Street in Kendall (I'll give you the address and directions if you are sure you want to see me)...dress very HOT and SEXY (really high heels and a very sexy dress)...and then follow me back to my hotel after we have gone shopping!

Here's what I can offer you!!!! I can pay you $450 cash...give you a $700 laptop...and take you on a shopping spree at CVS (you can buy mp3 player, tv, or whatever you want up to $300) and then back at my hotel you order champagne, beer and etc. from Room Service ($100).

Are you interested? If so, I will give you my phone number and we can hook up tonight!!!

Damn, it's tempting. A girl could score a lot of Crest on a gig like that.

Back in the saddle (again!)

Woo-hoo and Yippee-oh-cayay!

Bounced back through stormy skies last night to finally float peacefully down in Ft Lauderdale, and boy, am I ready to play. Nothing like a little enforced chastity to get your girl going.

Indulge me, will you?

You have my number (in more ways than one!)

Round 'em up, head 'em out!

It's the Tabu Two-Step... yep, I'm rounding up all my conservative duds and heading out to Small Town, Texas tomorrow....

So, please. If you see your little vixen in the airport or on the buffet line with two white-haired folks between now and Tuesday, smile a secret smile to yourself. But Mom--er, I mean MUM's the word.

I'll be leaving my naughty girl side in Florida for the duration.

I'll be thinking of you!

kisses,

Tabu

The key(word) to my lair... win it if you dare!

Like any good Internet vixen, I love to track my blog hits. Yesterday I had visitors blowing hot and cold-- apparently someone likes me in Dubai-- and Finland. (brr)

But I have to confess that I've never paid that much attention to the keywords people use to search for me.

So for your amusement, here are today's search terms that have recently lead people to Tabu.... Behind Closed Doors. Pretty interesting, eh, Grasshopper?

Guess which are my personal favorites and win a special Tabu treat (to be revealed ONLY to the winner!) Use the comment feature to take your shot.

Good luck and may the Force be in me!

	3	7.69%	tabu escort
	3	7.69%	discovertabu
	2	5.13%	thigh high boots chicago
	2	5.13%	3 mistresses and a boy toy
	2	5.13%	sex diary
	2	5.13%	ivy league dominatrix
	2	5.13%	maylin and stefano
	1	2.56%	tabu thigh
	1	2.56%	tabu's sexy abdoman
	1	2.56%	tabu sexy girl
	1	2.56%	www.discovertabu.com
	1	2.56%	my sex diary
	1	2.56%	double lives cheating
	1	2.56%	secret behind the name tabu perfume
	1	2.56%	tabu milf
	1	2.56%	naughty roleplay father
	1	2.56%	swinger diary
	1	2.56%	lipstick blow jobs
	1	2.56%	tabu sex
	1	2.56%	allie4u@bellsouth.net
	1	2.56%	tabu's sex life
	1	2.56%	tabu in big
	1	2.56%	thigh boots boy
	1	2.56%	tabu without panty
	1	2.56%	tabu feet show
	1	2.56%	tabu sexy

Coupling Up: the Dynamics of Hubby, Wife and Me.

About once a month or so, I get a call to meet with a couple.

I'm ready to slip right into my stilettos: my website offers a special rate for them ($525/hr; exactly 1.5 times my ordinary rate for an individual) and I candidly state that I enjoy both men and women. (And anyone who reads my blogs about swinging knows that I'm more than bi-flexible.)

But when it comes to actually booking and seeing a couple... well, I could get laid in a convent more easily.

Something always goes a little wacko when they call. First of all, 99% of the time, it's the husband, and he's either 1) conspiratorially planning a "seductive surprise" for his uninterested and unsuspecting Vanilla Wife, or 2) he's oozing pretension and assuring me that I should overlook my screening requirements so I can meet his Trophy Wife, who's 33, a 40DD nymphomaniac and a former Playboy bunny.

Sigh. In the first instance, why is it my job to clue Mr. Horny Toad in that his conservative lady will not only NOT appreciate his thoughtfulness in procuring a hooker for them-- she may very well take a really big walk. With half his wallet and all of the house.

To Mr. Trophy Wife, I want to say,"This is freakin' South Florida, dude! You can't swing a cat without hitting a bleached blond beach bunny with 40 double D's. And if your wife is so hot, (whose existence I doubt) why not introduce her to the local talent here at a swing club? I'm sure you'd have them lined up."

Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose, (mine's stamp collecting), but I just wish these guys would take up golf.

Then I could spend more of my time licking. Meow.

Taking GFE one G too far!

Lately some of my fellows seem conveniently confused about the concept of GFE. I don't think it's that hard: They pass screening, present a tidy white envelope, and get a beautiful, gracious, sexy Tabu catering to their every naughty desire... smiling all the while.

Of course they'd like to have me for their real girlfriend. And of course, they'd like to dispense with the envelope. After a session or two, the manuevering begins to get me "off the clock."

Then there are my Match.com boys. They never pony up at all-- but try to entice me into providing those same delicious services without me noticing that the rent isn't getting paid.

Here's an email I recently received from one of these charmers... and my reply. (Note: Because he was busy sending this love-note out to hundreds of escorts, he couldn't even be bothered to put my name in the salutation. Or notice that I'm already IN Florida. Geesh.)

Hello, Pretty Woman!

I just wanted to tell you that you take my breath away. I'm sure you hear that alot in your business, but I mean it.

I'm a biomedical engineer in _____, Florida, and have my own business too. I just had to contact you as ever since I've seen your face (especially eyes) I know we have some kind of special connection. I don't know if you're married or anything. But, if you're not, and ever in Florida, please send me an email and I would be honored to take you out for a lovely dinner and walk along one of our wonderful beaches. I think we could end up becoming great friends - and that's something very special in the world today.

I don't know anything about your industry (except you're beautiful!) but if you would just like a new friend, I know there's just something about you that is wonderful.

I attached a pic of myself if you're interested in being friends (I've lost some weight since!)

Luv,

Tony

I'm sorry, but this seemingly innocuous letter really ticked your little vixen off. I don't believe a word of it-- or his professed innocence about the way escorts work. What I do know is that there may be some lonely working girl out there who falls for this line of bull, and gives it up for a while, just to have a "boyfriend." Even if he is a slimey conniver.

So given my feelings, I feel I really took it easy on him... and even gave his "innocence" the benefit of the doubt.

Dear Tony,

I feel that special connection, too! And for $350/hr, I'd love to explore it with you!

Let me know when you'll be in Miami!

purring,

Tabu

What a surprise. I never heard back.

So you've decided to hire an escort....

Since my Monday morning blog was accidently deleted by your groggy girlfriend here, I'll link you to a handy-dandy guide to hired-escort heaven.... and yes, you're very welcome. Caution: don't watch while drinking coffee unless you like choking with laughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id49Q-qOYXI&feature=related

till tomorrow,

T

God loves Football....

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?"

Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."

God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat at his left hand.

Then God turns to Brett Favre and says, "What do you believe?"

Brett says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life.
I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields."

God is greatly moved by Brett's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat at his right hand.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"

Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat. "

My Sex Diary: Wow, what a weekend!

MMMM. Spreading my legs on Friday night for a sexy Frenchman and his hotter-then-Thai food Vietnamese girl.... just testing to see if I could tell the difference between his tongue and hers.

Saturday-- hit the swing club to debut the new sheer dress that cupped my ass SO invitingly...and spun around the stripper pole once or twice for good measure.

My lithe and beautiful friend from Maine smiled all night long-- I sat back and gave her a thumbs-up as she conquered the room.

Monday night-- well, it was Tabu to the rescue as a lonely friend from CA needed a sweet and tasty treat to make his evening complete.

Umm. I love my sexy life.

If you'd like to be part of it, check out my website for best way to get on my calendar.

I'm breathing a little faster already.