North vs South: My bra is not a battleground!

All my friends told me not to do it.

"Your boobs are perfect," they insisted, some of them attempting to prove their point by hefting one or both in their hands.

"See? They're just right!"

Well, as they say, there's nothing perfect in this world... even though for a long time, my 34D's have been damn close. But here's the question. Exactly when did I exhort them to "Go South, Tabu boobs?"

Lately I've been noticing a slight downward migration, as if my nipples missed my pussy and just wanted a closer relationship.

OK- that was it. Time for a tuneup.

September 9th took on the historic porportions of D-Day... or should I say Double D Day? Into the ritzy surgical suite of the Playmates and Maxim model's favorite breast man in upscale Aventura... and out 3 hours later under the tender loving care of my gal-pal Allie.

Skipping the painful details, almost a week later we arrive at Sunday brunch in the Aventura mall-- and a visit to the ooh-la-la confines of a select European lingerie shop. This little nook specializes in big boobs... and the salesgirl eyed my torso appraisingly.

"Hmm," she mused, "You have a small back compared to your volume in front.... I think, yes, let's try this."

Without a peep I let her jostle my now-engorged breasts into what appeared to be a cup size large enough for Queen Latifah. She pushed, I pulled, and when we both straightened up, my boobs were encased in absolute perfection.

"Umm," I hesitated to ask,"Just what size is this?"

"Oh," she relied cheerfully, "You're a 34-F."

Wow. Well, after I forked over what would buy two people a very nice dinner out, I left with my 34-F everyday bra in an extremely elegant shopping bag.

And I can now see that the price of this little enhancement is going to go far beyond the surgeon, the meds or even the new photos I will certainly need to take.

Half of my wardrobe will have to be donated to my normal-sized friends--that is, anyone a D-cup or less. And your visibly-bigger vixen will become a very good customer of the big-boob emporium.

So my new job, apparently, is to have new ta-ta's... and try to get used to the "massive expanse" as my SO calls it, living on the front of my chest.

I guess there are worse fates. And whistlin' Dixie is one of them.

Slam, Bam (Where's the "Thank you, M'am"?)

You all know that I love a good, hard slamming every once in a while. (I mean, sometimes a girl needs to feel a little fire in the belly!)

So when I was awakened Thursday night around 2 by a loud thud that resonated through my condo, I thought maybe the couple next door was getting their groove on. I peered around groggily, and when nothing seemed out of place in my immediate sphere, I drifted back to Sleepyville.

And so my morning unrolled merrily-- coffee, workout, breakfast, and out to the car to head to Ft. Lauderdale.

Uh-oh. What were all the glass shards, plastic and shattered fiberglass behind my car? And why was it jettisoned three feet from where I'd parked it the night before?

Yes, dear ones, you have all guessed it.... my poor baby was a victim of a hit and run, back-end smashing worthy of the Pats' defensive line.

Damn, damn, damn.

Later that night it was still sitting askew when I ran into my irreverent gay neighbor on the street.

"Oh, boy, I saw your car this morning, sweetie," he exclaimed, patting me on the shoulder. "I knew you were going to be so PISSED. I went right back upstairs and told Zach that your car took it up the ass!"

"It sure f--king did," I replied, "But man-- no drinks, no dinner and no lube!"

So now, if you'll excuse me, I'm on my way to Allstate to see just how much they're going to f--k me. I can guarantee you it won't be a screaming O.

O well.

MILFs on the rise in DC... doubles, anyone?

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How Not to give a BJ.....

My friend Sinthia of Chicago posted this link on TER, and I had to pass it along to you...

Don't try this at home!

http://jhorna.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/college-humor-derrick-comedys-blowjob/

238, 239, 240...I'm the queen of the world!!

Last week, a curious Fl hobbyist did a little number crunching on The Erotic Review (see my blog http://discovertabu.blogspot.com/2007/10/playing-numbers.html here if you don't already know about TER) and the results made me squeal like a little girl.

Like a little girl? you ask. Why yes, and it's very odd, considering I was one of the (ahem) most mature ladies in the rankings.

ANYWAY, this fellow had the site rank all the TER ladies who have at least five reviews. That gave him a total of 5,935 ladies nationwide.

He then had TER rank these ladies in order of their performance ratings.

Out of almost 6,000 providers in the US, your little MILF was ranked #240 with a performance average of 8.98 (out of a possible 10.)

So I guess all that practice in the swing club and Tabu's lair has finally paid off!

Just today, I had a lovely appointment with a charming gent who entered the hobby almost exactly a year ago. In the meantime, he's embraced the TER ethos, learning to analyze reviews, pick the top ladies and get his mojo working in the best possible way. He found me through that sweet maze of rankings... and I couldn't be happier that he did.

So here's to clawing (I mean meowing) my way to the top 5%. It's great to be recognized... and even better to know I still have room to improve.

If you're on my"to-do" list, you may be in for a wild ride. Because your little missy will be working on gaining the top 4% now.... and there's ony one way to make it happen. You'll be the judge!

Larry, Moe and Curly in Motown

This week's episode: The three Stooges tackle Tabu.

(As our story unfolds, Tabu visits Detroit in search of f__ks and fortune. During her stay, she encounters our famous trio.)

Last-Minute Larry calls on the final afternoon of her tour, demanding that she jettison her previously-scheduled programming to accommodate his sudden need of her company. When Tabu politely refuses to trash her regular, Larry pouts and hangs up.

No-Info Moe takes the opposite tack, repeatedly writing to Tabu several weeks ahead of her visit, stating his desire to make an appointment. When requested to provide basic screening information, he responds very expeditiously-- with a fictitious name and cell number.

Squirrelly Curly enjoys making an advance appointment and then canceling, pleading a last-minute work commitment. He ever-so-gratefully accepts Tabu's offer of a new time... and then ever-so-conveniently forgets to show up.

Next week: Tabu wakes up from a bad dream to find that no one actually shot J.R.

View from above... Curvy girls rule!!

Sometimes it pays to be left behind... when you get a view like this one, from last week's sextravaganza in Port Charlotte.

Four hot couples, eight naughty minds... well, you can do the math.

When this little Tabu picture showed up in the mix, all unanimously declared it a "must-publish--" so, I bend to the wishes of my clan.

Enjoy!

Perception, Reality and the Value of Pretty Boobs

Last month on tour....

Client, fondling my augmented girls: "Wow, Mother Nature really blessed you."

Me: "Yes... with enough money to afford a really good plastic surgeon!"

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Last week at my incall...

Client, fondling my augmented girls: "Your tits are really great. I HATE fake tits."

Me: "Oh, me too!" (giggle)

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An hour fondling Tabu's tits... $---. Living with Tabu's tits 24/7.... priceless!

My sizzling Swing Club dates just got better!!

Wow. If there was anything that could have improved my now-notorious swing club dates, it was the comfortable but rather dated surroundings of my favorite club. Has that ever changed!

On Saturday night, I joined a gaggle of my sexiest friends to discover the ALL-NEW, COME-HITHER, SEXY, COOL, SOPHISTICATED and LUXURIOUS club. Our joint has been building a brand-new club for the past year, and they proudly unveiled the results last week.

Who wouldn't like this upscale and sleek new design? On Saturday, the hottest happenings were showcased in the best-looking club in South Florida.

So from now on, my adventurous and sexy dates who join me on any Wed, Thur, Fri or Sun night will find that what was sizzling before is now even hotter!

If you're unclear on how the swing date works, click through on this link for the details... then just drop me a note at discovertabu@gmail.com to arrange our escape into pleasure.

It's not often that the best gets even better!

http://discovertabu.blogspot.com/2008/03/swing-into-spring-sexy-new-addition-to.html

I'd love to be your guide!

Having a happy life

Look at that smile... think I'm having a good time?

Lately I've been thinking about what makes me happy... and it's clear that my friends are a huge part of the happy life I lead.

On my birthday last month, this girl was treated to laughs, gifts, sweetness and sexiness... and the price of happiness was quite nicely within reach.

Just thought I'd share.