Tuesday, December 1, 2009

"The dick doesn't lie," and other lessons from a life under the covers

Chapter One: In dickus veritas

Laughter erupts around me.

"What did I say?" I protest, glancing at the semi-naked group of hedonists in my living room.

"Oh, come on," one of them snorts, "You know exactly what you said. Please."

"Yeah," his wife agrees. "The dick doesn't lie?"

"Well, it doesn't. If Mike there tells you he's not into blonds, then you see Blond Bambi sucking him off and he's hard as a fireplug... well, what do you call it? An oral misunderstanding?"

The dick doesn't lie.

Chapter Two: Verisimilitude

My girlfriend smiles conspiratorially over her husband's blissful face, his eyes closed to better focus on his pleasure. "Mmmmm," she purrs, "Doesn't she do that well?"

I wink at her as I slowly slide my tongue around the sensitive ridge of his joystick.

"Do it just like I like to," she urges me in a sultry contralto. "That's it, hurry up, swallow it all!"

For a moment his eyes open in surprise at her passionate appeal, and in a series of shuddering breaths, he surrenders to my surrogacy.

Sunlight streams through a slant in the window.

"Just like you like to do it," he whispers into the air.

Chapter Three: Unoriginal Sin

Placing one stiletto in front of the other, I take my time emerging from the darkened bedroom. His hands grip his knees as I approach, laughing.

"What's up?" I tease him, lightly stroking his pants with a long red fingernail.

"I was just thinking that you're not like any woman I've ever been with. But I can't really offer you anything you haven't already had. Probably."

At the last word he looks up at me hopefully.

"Well, you're partially right," I murmur, straddling his lap and slipping my hands into his hair. "I'm a completely, utterly wanton woman who absolutely insists on driving you crazy. And you're my completely, utterly delicious partner in crime, are you not?"

Among a flurry of insistent little kisses he manages to croak out "Yes."

"Then does either of us really have to be original?" I whisper into his ear, my nipples singing under the influence of his suddenly emboldened touch.

The world envelops us. The world falls away.

He doesn't have to say no.

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