238, 239, 240...I'm the queen of the world!!

Last week, a curious Fl hobbyist did a little number crunching on The Erotic Review (see my blog http://discovertabu.blogspot.com/2007/10/playing-numbers.html here if you don't already know about TER) and the results made me squeal like a little girl.

Like a little girl? you ask. Why yes, and it's very odd, considering I was one of the (ahem) most mature ladies in the rankings.

ANYWAY, this fellow had the site rank all the TER ladies who have at least five reviews. That gave him a total of 5,935 ladies nationwide.

He then had TER rank these ladies in order of their performance ratings.

Out of almost 6,000 providers in the US, your little MILF was ranked #240 with a performance average of 8.98 (out of a possible 10.)

So I guess all that practice in the swing club and Tabu's lair has finally paid off!

Just today, I had a lovely appointment with a charming gent who entered the hobby almost exactly a year ago. In the meantime, he's embraced the TER ethos, learning to analyze reviews, pick the top ladies and get his mojo working in the best possible way. He found me through that sweet maze of rankings... and I couldn't be happier that he did.

So here's to clawing (I mean meowing) my way to the top 5%. It's great to be recognized... and even better to know I still have room to improve.

If you're on my"to-do" list, you may be in for a wild ride. Because your little missy will be working on gaining the top 4% now.... and there's ony one way to make it happen. You'll be the judge!

View from above... Curvy girls rule!!

Sometimes it pays to be left behind... when you get a view like this one, from last week's sextravaganza in Port Charlotte.

Four hot couples, eight naughty minds... well, you can do the math.

When this little Tabu picture showed up in the mix, all unanimously declared it a "must-publish--" so, I bend to the wishes of my clan.

Enjoy!

My sizzling Swing Club dates just got better!!

Wow. If there was anything that could have improved my now-notorious swing club dates, it was the comfortable but rather dated surroundings of my favorite club. Has that ever changed!

On Saturday night, I joined a gaggle of my sexiest friends to discover the ALL-NEW, COME-HITHER, SEXY, COOL, SOPHISTICATED and LUXURIOUS club. Our joint has been building a brand-new club for the past year, and they proudly unveiled the results last week.

Who wouldn't like this upscale and sleek new design? On Saturday, the hottest happenings were showcased in the best-looking club in South Florida.

So from now on, my adventurous and sexy dates who join me on any Wed, Thur, Fri or Sun night will find that what was sizzling before is now even hotter!

If you're unclear on how the swing date works, click through on this link for the details... then just drop me a note at discovertabu@gmail.com to arrange our escape into pleasure.

It's not often that the best gets even better!

http://discovertabu.blogspot.com/2008/03/swing-into-spring-sexy-new-addition-to.html

I'd love to be your guide!

Playing doctor in Cleveland!

"Oh, yes, Doctor, of course I'll open my mouth so you can check my tonsils... with your cock!"

In one of those funny coincidences that could only happen in my hotel room, on Wednesday I was treated to an entire series of medical exams by some of the ablest physicians in Ohio (home to the famous Cleveland Clinic, of course.) So after this modest little patient made sure she was wearing clean panties, it was clear that she needed to be diagnosed... and thus it was time for me to:

• stick out my tongue


• breathe rapidly


• have my breasts checked for abnormalities


• and put my feet in the stirrups of someone's shoulders.

My, oh my. I've never undergone such a rigorous series of exams.. all so very thorough.

And it was funny, when you think about it... after all that, I was the one who got the results!

Last 2 days to pre-book for Cleveland!

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Two holes are bettter than one!

Last night I got to indulge in one of my favorite treats... and share it with a fascinated onlooker.

When I oh-so-carefully spread my naughty girlfriend's legs... then plunged into her with my big, black strap-on, there were three gasps heard in the room: hers, mine and our titillated client.

Ah, the joys of being a girl with a cock. After I taught her how to behave properly-- and she needed a lesson!-- I relinquished the helm to her own eager hips. That bad girl wanted some of her own... and for poor little me, that was just the start of a very "fulfilling" evening.

Sometimes I feel like the star in my very own porn movie. Here's to Take Two!

Good cop/bad cop... mmmmm. What a choice.

As much as I love the donuts, I have to admit that there's one part of my job I love even more....

and that's cuffing those miscreant boys that think they can bribe me into slipping out of my uniform.

Why, just last week, a would-be gangsta shouldered his way into this innocent officer's hotel room in Detroit. And before I could give him any well-intentioned warnings, he slapped down a envelope and looked at me defiantly.

"Well?" he demanded. "What do you have on under that robe for me?"

"Excuse me, sir," I began, "You may want to wait just a minute before you start asking me questions. There's something about me that you really need to know."

"I don't think so, Miss Hottie," he replied, reaching for the tie of my silky robe. "I want to see what I'm buying."

"Well, all right," I conceded, stepping away from his hands. "If you really want to see what you're getting, I hope you like silver and black."

I dropped the silky panels to the floor.... and watched his face go pale as I was revealed in full police uniform.

"You're under arrest, Mr. Hottie," I sighed. "I tried to warn you."

"Uh, wait a minute," he stammered. "There's been a mistake. I didn't know you were a cop!"

I had to giggle at his weak protestation. "Of course you didn't, sweetie-- but now you know, and now you're going downtown."

His face crumpled and his shoulders sagged in defeat. "Isn't there any way we can work this out? I can't let this happen! I'll be ruined."

I felt a brief moment of pity. He did look sincere... and I had been on a lonely stakeout for almost a week. Maybe instead of going downtown, he could just go down. Yeah, that was an idea.

An hour later, still breathing hard, I realized there's a reason I'll never make Sergent. But then again, sometimes rank is over-rated. Just like making collars.

Two for Two! Swing Dates Sizzle!

I have one word for the past 2 Friday nights. Yumm-eeee.

Thanks to the two lovely gentlemen who couldn't wait to raise their "hands" for my new swing club rendez-vous, your little vixen got to show off her favorite club, its sizzling citizens and the naughty-and-nice atmosphere that gets everyone rocking.

In fact, I feel a bit like an evangelist lately-- "Come to me, brothers, and let me show you the way!"

Fortunately, my impulse toward religion stops there... unless you count my recent fantasy fulfillment for one wicked little girlfriend of mine. That evil girl wanted me to tell her all about the bad Catholic schoolgirl at confession. Oh, my-- she was sooo bad that the priest had to come right into her side of the confessional and show her the errors of her ways... sin by sin.

Oh, the depths I'll explore for the sake of some curvy-girl nookie.

But then again, maybe that talent for erotic imagination is what has made me so many delicious friends.

Where the mind can go, the cock and pussy can follow. Just ask the two boys who squired me through the halls of iniquity. They imagined what could happen when you get 300 hot swingers together -- mixed thoroughly with a healthy dose of Tabu-- and the reality of it all.... well, I think it surpassed their wildest wet dreams.

So here I go again today, powdering, silkening, and fine-tuning that sexy spot between my ears for another erotic adventure in Paradise.

Heaven's got nothing better.

"Swing" into Spring! A sexy new addition to the menu!

If you've ever been intrigued by the sexy, secret world of swinging-- but didn't have the entree or a willing partner to try it out-- well, I have a very important announcement just for you.

Starting now, I'm your guide to a very satisfying Swing into Spring!

Take advantage of my 10-year experience in this lifestyle and get a first-hand understanding of:

• How to "play well with others" (the etiquette and protocols that all swingers share)


• How to approach a potential playmate


• When it's time to go from flirting to f--king

• Why women rule this world and how to win them over

I've had some of the sexiest times in my life at a swing club and it's time you did, too!

Here's how it works. Like a dinner date, a swing date is 4 hours, during which we will enjoy the club's excellent dinner, dancing, flirting and whatever naughtiness we can stir up.

If you're visiting from out of town, I will pick you up at your hotel and your only financial responsibility is my gift and the door fee at the club. (I will supply the membership requirement.) Since all FL swing clubs are BYOB, you choose whether to bring your own alcohol.

So whether you dream of jumping in, watching and learning, or a happy mix of both, you can relax knowing you're in the very experienced hands of a true aficionado.

Before I was Tabu, I was a swinger. Come discover the sensual atmosphere, freedom and fun that helped turn a bad girl into a verrrry bad girl! (And as you know-- very bad is verrry good!)

Coupling Up: the Dynamics of Hubby, Wife and Me.

About once a month or so, I get a call to meet with a couple.

I'm ready to slip right into my stilettos: my website offers a special rate for them ($525/hr; exactly 1.5 times my ordinary rate for an individual) and I candidly state that I enjoy both men and women. (And anyone who reads my blogs about swinging knows that I'm more than bi-flexible.)

But when it comes to actually booking and seeing a couple... well, I could get laid in a convent more easily.

Something always goes a little wacko when they call. First of all, 99% of the time, it's the husband, and he's either 1) conspiratorially planning a "seductive surprise" for his uninterested and unsuspecting Vanilla Wife, or 2) he's oozing pretension and assuring me that I should overlook my screening requirements so I can meet his Trophy Wife, who's 33, a 40DD nymphomaniac and a former Playboy bunny.

Sigh. In the first instance, why is it my job to clue Mr. Horny Toad in that his conservative lady will not only NOT appreciate his thoughtfulness in procuring a hooker for them-- she may very well take a really big walk. With half his wallet and all of the house.

To Mr. Trophy Wife, I want to say,"This is freakin' South Florida, dude! You can't swing a cat without hitting a bleached blond beach bunny with 40 double D's. And if your wife is so hot, (whose existence I doubt) why not introduce her to the local talent here at a swing club? I'm sure you'd have them lined up."

Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose, (mine's stamp collecting), but I just wish these guys would take up golf.

Then I could spend more of my time licking. Meow.

My Sex Diary: Wow, what a weekend!

MMMM. Spreading my legs on Friday night for a sexy Frenchman and his hotter-then-Thai food Vietnamese girl.... just testing to see if I could tell the difference between his tongue and hers.

Saturday-- hit the swing club to debut the new sheer dress that cupped my ass SO invitingly...and spun around the stripper pole once or twice for good measure.

My lithe and beautiful friend from Maine smiled all night long-- I sat back and gave her a thumbs-up as she conquered the room.

Monday night-- well, it was Tabu to the rescue as a lonely friend from CA needed a sweet and tasty treat to make his evening complete.

Umm. I love my sexy life.

If you'd like to be part of it, check out my website for best way to get on my calendar.

I'm breathing a little faster already.

Of course, I'm always a "ho".....

but sometimes I'm a Ho-Ho-Ho!

So today I'm here to declare joy to my own little world-- the world of swingers, hobbyists, my UPS man, Tom Brady, Bear Grylls and Matt Damon. (All of whom I'd like to unwrap under the tree.)

Yup, here in my Hollywood, everyone's getting in the holiday spirit-- and into my panties, I might add. Saturday night I sashayed down the street dressed in red... and from the looks I got from the fellows driving by, it seemed clear that Christmas doesn't come just once a year!

Kissing under the mistletoe, orgies under the tree.... I love the holiday traditions! Spice them up with Tabu twist, of course, and the results are naughty and nice. Mmmm....let me dip my tongue in a pool of creamy eggnog and let it slowly roll down onto my breasts. Sometimes calories just don't count!

Milk and cookies for Santa? Gee, I don't know. There's barely enough for me, the reindeer and all the elves. Of course, I have very discriminating taste in elves.

It just goes to show that in 2007, the holiday spirit still reigns. And even if the Dow is sagging, my favorite cocks are still standing strong. So join me in celebrating a not-so-silent night.... and may you have many of your own!

And the Oscar goes to...

OK, my last blog asked the question-- "Why don't fellows repeat when you have a great session?"

Tokai presented an interesting answer and one, I confess, I hadn't thought of... even though I suppose it's very obvious to the hobbyist. A really good provider makes the gent feel as though it's been great for her... even if it's actually been less than stellar. That's her job. So, he asks, how can a gent tell the difference between genuine arousal and pleasure and a Meryl Streep-worthy performance?

It's a conundrum. But if you want to look at it from another point of view, forget the provider. The flip side is how we've made the gentleman feel. Though I'm no Ph.d in sex, I've been around this phenomenon a few times myself... and I think I can tell when a raging hard-on, star-struck gaze and breathless thanks are the result of genuine chemistry. There are sessions and there are extraordinary encounters.

I believe the extraordinary encounters - the 10/10s - deserve the chance to be repeated.

So here's my challenge, if you care to take it. If you've had a mind-blowing experience with me-- or any lady-- take a chance and see her again. Should either of you expect the same to-Nirvana-and-back experience? Why put pressure on yourselves? The chemistry that kicked your endorphins into high gear will very likely still be there--- and so will the chance to create another delicious memory.

I love my job. And when my most memorable encounters turn into the opportunity to create an even deeper level of pleasure and connection... well, that's simply the best.

And as Christmas approaches, I think this hard-lusting vixen and her friends deserve the best. Don't you?

Love 'em and leave 'em?

Yesterday, a hobbyist brought up an interesting question. When you have a fabulous experience with a provider-- one that transcends normal pay-to-play titillation-- do you repeat with the lady or flee, in fear that you'll develop too much emotional attachment?

I've had several clients with whom I've had totally rocking, over-the-top, mind-blowing experiences. As I said goodbye to them, still panting, I could hardly wait until they returned.

It's a frustrating mystery to me why some never came back.

I'm not the type who usually has guys "fall in love" with me-- I'm sexy and giving, but it's clear that I'm not available for anything more. So I don't think an untoward emotional attachment explains it.

When you're paying, presumably, for a mind-blowing time, why wouldn't you want to repeat? Some of my 10/10 reviews came from just such sessions--- but even those hobbyists haven't always become regulars.

My escort girlfriends and I have talked about this phenomenon many times-- so I know I'm not alone.

Boys-- if we REALLY rock your world, reward us with repeat visits! You wouldn't want us to cry ourselves to sleep!

IHOP, YouHOP, Let's all Hop on...

It's been very international at Tabu's lair this week... a splendid opportunity to get a taste of so many different cultures, don't you know. And culture maven that I am, I simply lapped it up.

Which led me to think about my own personal U.N. While I can't claim that I've visited all these counties, their countrymen have visited me... so I feel just the tiniest bit of kinship with...

Austria, Italy, Spain, Germany, Greece, Norway, Canada, Wales, Mexico, Brazil, France, Colombia, India, England, Israel, Venezuela... and then the various states, of course... the state of horniness, the state of eagerness, the state of arousal and the state of bliss.

But who hasn't gained at least temporary citizenship within my borders? (That's a rhetorical question, in case you didn't recognize it.) I love the idea of traveling the world on an infinite Eurail Pass... hop on, hop off, wherever a sidelong glance seduces me to stop.

Might I have a secret yearning for a Yuri? Is there a Sven lounging in my future? Ahhh....so many horizons, so little lube.

I'm still waiting for you to stamp my passport!

Being treated instead of tricked... priceless!

Yes, I celebrated an early Halloween at the swing club on Saturday night... but on Oct 31, Halloween night, I had a hot date on South Beach.

What a scene! On my way to the Ritz, I spied three queens and a king (will disco or Elvis ever die?), a punk rock diva and at least four hookers... one of whom was sauntering into the Ritz.

After slipping out of my jacket to reveal an elegant silk blouse that draped the girls invitingly, my eyes were caught by a flash of white-- my date, smiling as broadly as a Jersey boy can.

A warm, welcoming kiss later, we were off to renewing our friendship. As we strolled down Lincoln Road, arm in arm, I was struck by the ease of it all. Twice a year or so, my friend schedules our date months in advance... and we both look forward to spending the evening together.

Dinner at Emeril's? Why not? For a girl who subsists on quick eats from local joints, it was sheer luxury. Even better, we caught up on his life and mine. We've achieved that sweet balance of affection and understanding that makes our relationship exciting, yet still maintains the necessary boundaries.

After dinner, morphing was the name of the game... and evil Tabu reminded my enthusiastic boytoy that it had been far too long since he had submitted to my sweet discipline.

Midnight approached, and it was time for this girl to ease back into her coach and her life. As I navigated my way through the masquerading streets, I smiled a secret smile. Being Tabu is a trick of my fertile mind. Being me, a pure treat.

Looking for a few (very) good men!

Last weekend in Port Charlotte, my west coast friends introduced me to the lovely old Boca Grande lighthouse. And you now what lighthouses look out for, don't you? That's right... seamen!

So I really couldn't help it if my mind wandered for a moment while I was scanning the horizon... between the sexy hosts, their equally riveting friends and my own devilish first mate, the tide wasn't the only thing that was coming in.

Now that I'm back from my little jaunt, the sea air still has me flying high. So it only seems fair that I put out the semaphores for an expert crewman to fly my jib, weigh my anchor and shiver my timbers.

After all, when Tabu booty (er, I mean duty) calls, aren't you ready to hit the deck?

Hobbyists: Which is the Deeper Satisfaction?

Lately I can't get a little conundrum off my mind. Here it is.

When you and your lady-of-the-moment lay back on the pillows and take a deep breath of release after incredible sex, it's clearly an exhilarating moment for both of you. She gave you pleasure... you returned the favor.

But after you've returned to your regularly scheduled programming, which stands out as the more lasting mental satisfaction?

Is it the memory of your own physical rush and release, the intense sensation that she provided you? Or is it witnessing her hardened nipples and quickened breath...and knowing that through your own expertise, you rocked her world?

Lately I've come across some clients who clearly cared at least as much about my gratification as their own... and who later remarked on their happiness that they could please me. Others thank me profusely for what they receive, and seem content with that alone.

So, hobbyists and readers, to which camp do you belong? Or do you?

There are no points or penalties for either answer... so please comment!

No Batteries Required (Or, what makes Tabu hum!)

We're all grownups here, so let's be frank. Between my hobby (swinging) and our hobby (the Hobby!), your little vixen gets some action. So, you might ask, does that mean that I'm a constantly-seething cauldron of unmitigated passion?

Um, almost. The other day, I gleefully let my mind run free over all my favorite things... the little moments, gestures and fantasies that can make my panties sticky.... and I came up with the ones I always welcome with a wicked grin.

Not-to-be-denied erections. I admit it. There's something very fulfilling in making an ostensibly cool customer lose his cool-- and watching as he raises a tent-pole in his pants. (And darling, don't try to hide it with that throw pillow. Tabu sees all, knows all, and conquers all.)

The Stevie Wonder head roll. Yes, I may be kneeling between your legs. My mouth may be too full to speak. But I'm sneaking a look at your rapturous expression... and when your eyes roll back in your head and a groan escapes from deep inside your composure, a little electricity travels right down my spine.

The partner in crime. Have I divulged one of my little kinks? Then bless you if you whisper those naughty somethings in my ear... and watch my reactions as you add an extra filigree of lust to the mix. You shall receive the kingdom of heaven.

Embracing your inner porn star. When the mood's right for raunch, you can't go wrong... so forget you're a doctor, a lawyer or that you play one on TV. When you become Tabu's boy-toy, the immediate forecast is wet. Very wet.

Swoon happens. Unforgettable moments unfold when the heat rises and we realize that we're dealing with a force larger than ourselves. That's when I like to lie back, surrender my will and give you everything between my ears and my legs. Feel the rush? It may be your tongue that's dissolving my self-control... or the tingle that translates from your fingertips.... or the room that's spinning on the axis of your hard cock.

Only two words are necessary here.

Take me.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Hobbyists

What separates a decently successful hobbyist (sometimes gets the girl he wants, strikes out as often as he hits, expends a lot of cell minutes trying to hook up)...

from the hobbyist who quietly and confidently enjoys the sensual delights of his absolute favorites?

After three years in this delicate dance, I've seen the good, the bad and absolutely unforgivable. In the process, I've learned a few things myself. So for the fellows who'd like to improve their average, I'm offering the following observations. May they help you score the big Kahuna, whoever she may be.

1. Highly Effective Hobbyists PLAN AHEAD. This is especially crucial when a lady's on tour. After I've advertised on my blog for 3-4 weeks, Eros for a week and announced on TER several times in advance of my arrival, I still get initial calls on the very last night of a tour. To my great amusement, these spontaneous souls are shocked that my time is already booked.

Would you wait for the night of the Prince concert to call TicketMaster? OK, then.

2. Highly Effective Hobbyists OFFER THEIR CREDENTIALS. If I don't know you, a one-line email stating, "Hi, I'm Joe, Are you available tonight?" is going straight into the trash. The reservation form on my website has been crafted to get just what I need from you-- no more, no less. And since many of us ladies also offer easy screening shortcuts through Date-Check, RS2K or Preferred 411, there's really no excuse for the old "I didn't realize you needed to know who I am" ploy.

Would you let a nameless, potentially nefarious stranger into your bedroom? OK, maybe if her tits were big enough. But we girls have tits of our own.

3. Highly Effective Hobbyists DO THEIR RESEARCH. Nothing charms a lady more than the fellow who asks her to reiterate every piece of information that's already on her website, her ad, her TER profile, or her blog.

Even the MILFs among us don't have the time or the inclination to spoon-feed you. After all, aren't you the boys who sent a man to the moon?

4. Highly Effective Hobbyists LEAVE THEIR EGO AT THE DOOR. We know you're a big man at work. Leagues of lowly-paid minions cower at your presence. But lording it over the lady you've selected for some very intimate companionship is simply bad form. Of the dozen or so clients whom I truly detested and will never see again, the main common denominator was arrogance.

Yes, we're here to please. But you know the saying.... if Momma ain't happy, then nobody's getting the goods.

5. Highly Effective Hobbyists LEAVE US WANTING MORE. You wouldn't linger at the party till the exhausted hosts stagger off to bed. So when you're enjoying the lady's company, be equally aware that when the party's over, it's over.

We want to feel regretful that you had to leave after only an hour... not remember that we had to drag your ass to the door after you camped out for an extra 30 minutes, sloooowly tying your shoes. That's what loafers are for.

6. Highly Effective Hobbyists LIKE WOMEN. As odd as it may sound, some of our clients resent us, look down on us, and simply don't have our best interests at heart. These are the fellows who quiz us on our private lives, ask our real names, disclose confidential details to other parties, or gossip about us to their other dates.

It wasn't attractive in high school, and you can't fit into those pants anymore, either.

7. Highly Effective Hobbyists KNOW IT'S JUST A HOBBY. Yes, we adore being your girlfriend for an hour or two... and when you're genuinely nice, we often have very fond feelings for your presence in our lives. So let's agree... we won't fall in love with you, call you at home, get our feelings hurt when you see another lady, or boil your rabbit.

Do the same by us, and we'll be good.